crzygrlonspeed

so mr. seanhunter and i talked and he likes me. Basically wants ass and I'm ok with it. I miss him, but if he truly wants me, I'm gonna make him work for it. I need him to respect me and care for me. He's done that somewhat in the past, but i have to let him know im not just a booty call. Besides ill most likely have my period then if it doesnt come now and im praying that it really does cuz i dont want it during thanksgiving break. i wanna be with mr. seanhunter. also the dude i hooked up with last nite is bothering me and its like woah.. kinda soon isnt it?

so as suggested by mr. urie ive decided to update this journal. recently ive been talking to mr. cocky and asking him questions, but these questions are all one sided and i just fill in my answers. well i asked today is mr. cocky is ever gonna come visit ever again and he said never. i played it off as oh yea ur too cool right? but it kinda got me annoyed. well now im talking to mr. urie and hes being a silly boy and im sharing a bit of naughty dirty secrets with him if u catch my drift ;). he remembers our first encounter and boy am i embarrassed since i was ridiculously very drunk. well now currently my little mix girly is coming to visit me. so im not back andi drank a whole shitload. 1 1/2 of bud 40s and a shot of malibu. I was shaking after. Then i got with this boy and it was terrible. we made out and got fingered and he wanted more and i was like no... ur gonna hurt me. yea well then i started thinking of mr. seanhunter and started crying. i dunno why i always think of mr. seanhunter whenever im drunk and i dunno why i miss him. its so stupid cuz soberly i dont think i want to be with him. oiy w/e yo. so i missed 2 of my classes cuz i was really sick from last nite. im out peace

so this whole mysterious bullshit prolly would pass since most of my friends know how i talk, and feel and blah blah blah. but i will still continue to not name ne1.
so lets see. i was facebooking before and i went to a livejournal link and i read this kids livejournal. sounds very stalkerish i know, but he knows who I am, just doesnt know me know me. its kinda like i talk but havent TALKED with him. Anyways he was saying how he feels like he doesn't have a reason to wake up in the mornings. I guess this happens to the best of us.
i dunno ever since ive came here i feel like my classes are pointless, me going through the day is pointless, and even waking up has been the worst thing ever. I don't dance anymore, so my body is becoming fat and i don't have reason to work out. I feel like shit and look like shit. I smile, but i dunno, I just am really missing highschool and the summer. Both of these times I felt like I belonged, and it was great. I'm really tempted on asking my parents to pay me for a trip to greece with my dad this winter, and then go again in the summer for two months. I feel in the total need of a vacation. It's 3:30 in the morning and I can't even write two paragraphs for Politics!!!
i feel useless
and i feel like a waste.
i miss high school, i miss my friends, i miss feeling like i belonged.
also i gave this fuckin kid head today and im really mad cuz he didnt even finish me off. its not a major thing, cuz he didnt even make me horny. but if im gonna go down on you the least u can do is make me fuckin orgasm.
its alright though, hes not great at fucking or at fingering. and i dont like it when guys dont go down on me. but seriously mr. noforeplay doesnt suck. hes just boring and its like ok orgasm now get out cuz i dont care. we both use each other, but im done. he pisses me off, and you think yea angry dominating sex. not even cuz hes too much of a pussy.
so much for me changing my ways
maybe its a cycle
in order to change we kind of have to keep making the same mistakes and taking tests to make sure it wont happen again
eh w/e yo
i gotta finish this stupid 2 paragraphs and hit the sack
peace

in continuation i realized
i smoke weed
only because I'm bored and I have nothing better to do...
kinda sad
i think i need a hobby...
maybe being healthy?

So i would update about how I've changed and how I'm different and the same in these past three years, but instead i feel the need to express my feelings about how I am now.
This past weekend I went home and the highlight of this was playing Kingdom Hearts 2. I'm very tempted to go home now and just play nonstop. It was so relaxing and so much fun. It made me feel like a little kid, when everything was easy and fun. Of course there were problems and difficulties back then, but now it seem so small and nothing to the problems i face now. Maybe that's how I'm gonna feel about my problems that i have now, in the future. That they were silly and full of nonsense.
Well now my problem today is feeling excluded. Today i went with my girls to the movies. That was great, now the problem is mainly with boys. What else is new...
well basically i talk to my friend and im all like im bored. and hes like oh alright well im gonna go hang out with my friends. its like WTF?!!!
if im bored and you're hanging out with friends, who are also my friends, would u not invite me?
sometimes I can't understand how inconsiderate boys are. People tell me he's not a real friend, but then at the same time i dunno. I dunno i just hate boys.
WEll, the new change i've been trying to do this thing that i don't just hook up with guys and have sex with them. Well i got with this guy and he seemed understanding, but then he just ignored me after we hooked up and i sucked his cock. it was like ok, so you get head and thats it?
sometimes i get annoyed especially with myself cuz i thought it was different. he cared and was nice and now its like wtf?
I'm upset that I fell for his act. He was being all fake, and I'm frustrated.
i guess I'm really done with boys. ah fuck it... they can kiss me ass.
peace out
im changing and im not going back to my old ways.

OK I haven't had a live journal in the longest time.
The last time i had one was in sophmore year of highschool and it was all secretive. I had code names for my friends, and crushes and all that little nonsense. I'm not sure if I'll make code names to protect the privacy of myself along with my friends i have no clue.
so ill start off with a intro.
My favorite color is green.
I'm a freshmen at a university.
I have a lot of close friends.
i love everybody.
I try to be nice to everyone.
I LOVE music
More specifically, Panic! at the disco, Motion City Soundtrack, The Format, Less Than Jake, Reel Big Fish, and Red Hot Chili Peppers.
I love to dance.
I danced for 14 years straight.
I currently took 6 months off to get my life straightened out and debate whether i wanted to continue it or not.
I think I'm fat and i need to loose lots of weight.
I don't have a eating disorder.
I like to drink.
I smoke weed on occasions.
I try not to have drama and issues.
I think i may flunk out of college cuz I'm lazy.
Well I think that's enough about me for today.
The reason is my piles of work due tomorrow and such a little time.
oh yea and to leave everyone off....
i tend to procrastinate often.